Yolanda's Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad 10 Days

Hello everyone. Yes. Here is my update, finally. After all the heck I gave my dad and Karyn about sending me pictures immediately after our weekend together (with Karyn I joking told her to do so even before unbuckling her children from their car seats) here it is almost a month and still no update!

Well, I was composing a short story for you all, a continuation of Alexander and the Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day. My version was called The Later Years and was about a mom and four boys, ahem, a husband and three boys, so, obviously, it was about me. Unfortunately, perfectionism creeps up and takes over sometimes and as I don’t get much personal time around here, I haven’t finished it. Instead, I’ll just list the things that made one week so awful.

• Before Tim left for a 10 day trip to N.D., Devin said, “Let me help you, mama” and locked the van doors with my keys in it. We were dropping B off at the sitter’s before gymnastics. Tim was able to rescue us.

• My husband left me for 10 days with three children and a dog in a house with three entrances and five windows at ground level (I have a point for mentioning such details.)

• The first couple nights were fine. I think it’s good to be separated from your spouse once in awhile. Being apart helps you remember why you love and appreciate the one you married. I was missing my hubby with every bump in the night. Sleeping downstairs each sound reverberated through my ceiling. Most of it was Kit, jumping down and traveling back and forth between the body heat of Hunter and Devin in their beds. I finally made her a bed downstairs next to the fire and she settled down. I only made things worse by watching a suspenseful movie, therefore the mention of how many doors and windows we have because I checked and rechecked them all!

• One morning I walked into Bryce’s room and right into a wall of stink. He had been in a poopy diaper long enough to get a nasty rash, therefore producing an unhappy boy.

• Oh, yes. While my husband was still gone spending his time with men, dogs and feathers, Devin did it again. This time I have to take some of the blame. I was unloading groceries and Devin was still in the van. I came back and took him as the last load, closing the van side door as I went. Nothing so bad about that, right? Wrong! The next morning we all went out so innocent and happy, looking forward to the library and chicken and French fries, when what do I discover? The van doors are locked. What do I see hanging from the ignition? That’s right! My keys AGAIN! Devin’s sweet voice asking me what’s wrong made it even more memorable! I gave Bryce a piece of chalk to keep him occupied, sent Dev into the back yard and attempted what I saw the policeman do that rainy day I first locked my keys in the van a few weeks back, starting this chain of three times a charm crap. It worked, ‘cause now I remove my keys each time I turn the van off and my gentle attempt to break in also worked! After 45 minutes I was able to unlock the door.

• Can’t forget the breathtaking fact of Kit being sprayed by a skunk. Apparently our fence doesn’t keep the bigger critters out. I’ve been lax since the installation of our simple fence, so when Kit went outside to do her business before lights out, I just let her go. I saw her ears perk up as she started down the steps and then she sprinted off in that way she has that sends squirrels running for their lives. I heard her bark and then suddenly stop. She didn’t squeal or growl, she just turned around because she was back scrambling up the steps sneezing and hacking almost as fast as when she took off. She was in the house and rubbing her face in my couch cushions before I caught whiff of a burnt balloon smell. I’ve never actually smelled a burnt balloon, but if I do, it would be the first stage of a skunk spray. It wasn’t until morning, after I gagged my way into banishing the dog into the garage, removing the cushions and pouring out bowls of vinegar did the characteristic skunk smell take over.

• Tim still gone and me still having a hard time sleeping and silently cussing that the man of the house is gone AND he took the 90 pound dog and left me with a ten pound shivering weenie!

• Hunter was picture perfect during this time. Getting his homework done, showered and into bed. Waking up without problems and catching the bus. Helping me with his brothers, just overall being the ideal child. Then I read in his communication notebook that he’s been writing “concerning and worrisome” entries in his school journal. What does he write? The teacher doesn’t say! How can she write to a mom telling her her son wrote something troublesome and not tell her what it was or give her a copy of the entry?! The only thing she wrote was to ask him about it. I did and Hunter told me of his last two entries. When I asked him if there was anything in there he wanted to share with me about his feelings or actions, he said no. I wrote asking the teacher to explain in more detail. Either she ignored it or didn’t see it. I finally had to call the office and leave a message for the teacher to call me. Finally I get a copy of the journal pages that were causing me stress. He wrote things like, “This is sick” “I wish all schools would shut down” “I don’t get any respect” and “I hope I get what I want”. I reminded the teacher that Hunter still uses other people’s words when he talks, mostly TV characters. If he doesn’t know what to say, or in this case, write, he’ll repeat something he’s heard. I told her unless there is a pattern of thought here, not just these few sentences, I’m not concerned.

And the winner of Yolanda’s Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad and LONG 10 days is…

• I walked into B’s room to wake him from his afternoon nap. What I saw first registered as too cute. He had taken off his diaper and was sleeping with his little bare bum in the air. But as I got closer and breathed through my nose, it wasn’t so cute anymore. Underneath and around and on my youngest son was poop. Poop on his bottom, poop on the sheet, poop smeared around the inside of his crib. I picked him up, wondering if it could be even worse? Yup. The hands rubbing his tired eyes were poop encased. The stinky stuff was on his shirt, on his face and probably had been in his mouth because there were dried smudges on his lips. Oh, yeah. I gave him a bath, tossed clothes and sheets into the washing machine and spent a good amount of time scrubbing the crib inside and out. Hunter and Devin never took off their diapers, but I don’t remember seeing them with their hands down their pants as much as Bryce!

Tim returned home with no problems and with a cooler full of wild game. He was welcomed home with hugs and kisses, but also with the evil eye from me! 